Alcohol Quotes

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
~ George Bernard Shaw
----------
I drink to make other people more interesting.
~ Ernest Hemingway
----------  
Wine is a grand thing, I said. It makes you forget all the bad.
~ Ernest Hemingway
----------
Drinking good wine with good food in good company is one of life's most civilized pleasures.
~ Michael Broadbent
----------
Whisky is sunlight held together by water held together by water.
~ Cafe Royal Circle Bar
----------
Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little.
~ Herman Smith-Johannsen
----------
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
~ W. C. Fields
----------
I doubt if you can have a truly wild party without liquor.
~ Carl Sandburg
----------
I never worry about being driven to drink. I just worry about being driven home.
~ W.C. Fields
----------
Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
~ Homer Simpson
----------
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
~ Lady Astor
----------  
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
~ Jean Kerr
----------
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
~ Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald
----------
Head for the future, run from the past. Hide from the mirror and live in the glass. What dreams forget the whiskey remembers.
~ Eric Church
----------  
A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.
~ Carolyn Gold Heilbrun
----------
O thou invisible spirit of wine, if thou hast no name to be known by, let us call thee devil.
~ William Shakespeare
----------
There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten.
~ Samuel Johnson
----------
Sobers are so bores.
~ JD Ghai
----------
Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.
~ Matt Groening
----------
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled.
~ Ovid
----------
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
~ Benjamin Franklin
----------
I drink to make other people more interesting.
~ Ernest Hemingway
----------
Write drunk, edit sober.
~ Ernest Hemingway
----------  
He was a wise man who invented beer.
~ Plato
----------
Draft beer, not people.
~ Author Unknown
----------
If the ocean was vodka and I was a duck I’d swim to the bottom and never come up.
But the ocean’s not vodka and I am not a duck so pass me a bottle and shut the f**k up!
Provided by: Dr C Glynn
------------------------------
A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
Provided by: callie
------------------------------
My boss didn’t know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.
Provided by: glenny
------------------------------
Of course I am gonna drive. I am too drunk to walk.
Provided by: anni c
------------------------------
Beer is now cheaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!
Provided by: FRANCISCO
------------------------------
A drunk man never tells a lie.
Provided by: birdman
------------------------------
I swear to Drunk, I’m not God!
Provided by: jude
------------------------------
Whiskey is risky but it makes the girls frisky.
Don’t be dumb and mix wine and rum.
Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.
A good friend takes your drink away and says, “You’ve had enough.” But a TRUE friend gives you another drink and yells, “YOU BETTER CHUGG THIS CUZ WE AIN’T TRASHED YET!!”
Provided by: Sarah
------------------------------
I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
Provided by: Sir Custac Cant
------------------------------
One tequila
two tequila
three takillya
floor
Provided by: tipicaly unconcerned
------------------------------
I drink to make other people more interesting.
– Ernest Hemingway
------------------------------
I only drink on 2 occasions when I’m thirsty and when I’m not
Provided by: *Kelsey--
------------------------------
Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.
Provided by: Fishfood
------------------------------
Lips that touch liquor touch other lips quicker…
Provided by: Hardy
------------------------------
I realized I was drinking too much,
So I decided to cut down,
I now only drink on days ending in Y
Provided by: Matrixxx
------------------------------
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence? I think not.
Provided by: luv2drink
------------------------------
Act single, see double, drink triple
Provided by: tooo young
------------------------------
I use to think drinking was bad, so I stop thinking
Provided by: Albert Quammie
------------------------------
I drink because I work, I work so I can drink.
Provided by: Danny
------------------------------
I’m on whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already!
Provided by: Tania
------------------------------
I heard this one the other day…
When life gives you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who’s life gave them vodka, mix them together and have a party!!
Provided by: Bob
------------------------------
Good friends make the world go round, but good beer makes the room go round.
Provided by: Sandy
------------------------------
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you alcohol.
Provided by: leyton
------------------------------
Nothing in life is absolute only vodka
Provided by: Syc
------------------------------
DRINK TO FORGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK!
Provided by: Hamata
------------------------------
Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could have been beer!
Provided by: Lacy
------------------------------
Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.
Provided by: Courtney
------------------------------
I swear to drunk I’m not god.
Provided by: mikey
------------------------------
Alcohol aint the answer but it makes you forget the question !
Provided by: Kate
------------------------------
When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.
------------------------------
I like to have a martini,
two at the very most,
after three I’m under the table,
after four I’m under my host.
Dorothy Parker (lives on)
Provided by: sandra
------------------------------
Parent says don’t drink
Friends says don’t drink
Cops says don’t drink
Are they saving it for themselves?
Provided by: mannu
------------------------------
A police officer said to a man “son your eyes looked red have you been drinking?”
Response from the man “gee officer your eyes looked glazed have you been eating doughnuts?”
Provided by: xox-ellsworth-xox
------------------------------
Ociffer you hass too listening to me, I swear to drunk I am not god!
Provided by: anni c
------------------------------
If you can still read the label,
You need another.
If you can’t read the label,
You need another anyway
Provided by: Sammers
------------------------------
Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems!
– Homer Simpson
Provided by: Kirsti-lou
------------------------------
Help! I fell and I can’t reach my vodka.
Provided by: .:kaeley:.
------------------------------
The doctors found some blood in my alchohol stream.
Provided by: Jonny J
------------------------------
When life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
Provided by: xoxNINAxox
------------------------------
I could spend 50 bucks on a guitar or I could buy 2 cases of beer and play the air guitar.
Provided by: kevin/dylan
------------------------------
Alcoholism and drug addiction are killer of mental and physical health. Alcoholic and drug addicts are killing themselves slowly.
– Dr T.P.Chia
Provided by: Ivy Lee
------------------------------
Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk.
------------------------------
Im not an alcoholic…i just go to the meetings to meet new drinking buddies!!
Provided by: syd
------------------------------
Alcoholism is a thief of health, mental sanity and human dignity.
– Dr T.P.Chia
Provided by: Ivy Lee
------------------------------
I don’t have a drinking problem, it’s you who have a problem with my drinking.
Provided by: Daniel
------------------------------
My grandmom is 80 she still dosent need glasses, She drinks straight out of the bottle.
Provided by: Tarun Pinto
------------------------------
You ask if the glass is half empty or half full,
I ask “Are you gonna finish that beer?”
Provided by: Sammers
------------------------------
Alcohol: Some Of The Best Times You’ll Never Remember = )
Provided by: Kirsty = ]
--------------------
D.A.M.M- Drunks Against Mad Mothers
Save Water…Drink Beer
Provided by: McLOVIN
--------------------
Why do you need a Driver’s License to buy Liquor when you Can’t Drink and Drive?
Provided by: JIngMac
--------------------
Reality: an illusion due to lack of alcohol
Provided by: kelz
--------------------
Alcoholism is a disease that creates temporary madness and insanity. Drug addiction is a disease that destroys health and humanity.
– Dr T.P.Chia
Provided by: Ivy Lee
--------------------
Reality is merely an illusion caused by a lack of alcohol
Im not as think as you drunk I am
He was so sober he had blood in his alcohol stream
Provided by: masked cornishman
--------------------
Drink triple, see double, and act single.
Provided by: Spider-Net
--------------------
This may be the beer talking, but I love beer.
Provided by: K-Fed
--------------------
A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.
Provided by: Carl
--------------------
Rehab is for quiters
Provided by: luke
--------------------
I’m only here for one… Better make it a pitcher.
Provided by: Biker Bob
--------------------
People say I have a drinking problem…
i have no problem…
i drink,
i get drunk,
i pass out,
NO PROBLEM!!
Provided by: tracey
--------------------
The secret of being honest as an Angel is by being drunk as Hell!!!
Provided by: Arnold
--------------------
You know your drunk when you call your friend on your phone and tell him you can’t find your phone.
Provided by: billy weiher
--------------------
The existence of Beer is proof that God loves us.
– Benjamin Franklin
Provided by: Scum
--------------------
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.
--------------------
Never drink on an empty head
Provided by: Johnny
--------------------
Why am I so thirsty? when I drank so much last night?
Provided by: PArtyboi
--------------------
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
– Frank Sinatra
--------------------
I mixd whiskey with water and got drunk…
I mixed brandy with water and got drunk…
I mixed scotch with water and got drunk again..
I’ve therefore reached the conclusion that water is bad for me.
Provided by: kirthi
--------------------
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they wake up in the morning it is going to be the best feeling they experience the whole day!
Provided by: Jo
--------------------
Alchohal Brings Out The Inner Retard In All Of Us…
Provided by: Mariiia'
--------------------
My doctor put an insect in a glass of alcohol, it died – He asked me, what do you learn from this???
I replied, “Alcohol kills germs inside the tummy.”
Provided by: Prashant
--------------------
Whiskey and Beer are a man’s worst enemies… But the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!
Provided by: Spider-Net
--------------------
When life hands you lemons grab the tequila and salt and call me over!
Provided by: ?kate
--------------------
I can’t afford vacation, so I am just going to drink until I don’t know where I am.
--------------------
The drunk tongue speaks for the sober heart
Provided by: Flish
--------------------
Vodka and ice = bad for you liver
Whiskey and ice = bad for your heart
Scotch and ice = bad for your brain
Dammit, the ice ruins everything!
Provided by: DisGuy
--------------------
Drinking and having fun every Saturday and Friday nights is NOT a bad habit,drinking on a Monday morning IS.
Provided by: Matvei
--------------------
I went to bed drunk and happy, I woke up tired and hurting…Obviously sleep is a bad thing.
Provided by: Evil Bill
--------------------
If drinking and driving is illegal…then why do bars have parking lots?
Provided by: Taty Fiasco
--------------------
Good girls are made of sugar and spice…But me and my girls are made outta vodka and ice.
Provided by: jaz
--------------------
If you want to say the truth and you can’t, DRINK and SAY IT ALL! ;)
Provided by: Bushra
--------------------
My idea of a balanced diet is a beer in each hand
keep it on guys ………
Provided by: sam
--------------------
I was so drunk that I fell off the floor.
Provided by: brendan
--------------------
Officer- “Have you been drinking?”
You- “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.”
Officer- “Son, have you been drinking tonight?”
You- “I swear to drunk I’m not God.”
Officer- “Son, can you answer me?”
You- “What’s the officer, problem?”
Officer- “I’m taking you in for the night.”
You- “I’m sotally tober though.”
Officer- “What’s your name, son?”
You- “Jack Daniels.”
Provided by: Jack Daniels
--------------------
Let’s get drunk, make mistakes & blame it on the alcohol.
Provided by: dot
--------------------
They say so many people die because of alcohol. Perhaps they never realized how many of them are born because of it.
--------------------
Life has many choices… Whiskey… Vodka.. Rum.. Gin.. Beer.. Which one did you Choose????
Provided by: anjan
--------------------
Cop: sir, yur been drinking too much. Im going to have to take you in for the nite.
friend: no, im not drunk
cop: yeah, you are
friend: okey, im drunk….but im not drunk- drunk- drunk, im just drunk
lmao, this happen to a buddy of mine (funny nite)
Provided by: rob
--------------------
“Officer, take me drunk i’m home.”
Provided by: Dane
--------------------
People drink to get rid of the pain they are going through. Some drink and hope when they close their eye that they will never be awake to feel the pain.
Provided by: Ross
--------------------
If water is the universal solvent, then beer is the universal solution!
Provided by: Reishu
--------------------
I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.
--------------------
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
--------------------
I don’t drink anymore.
I don’t drink any less either.
Provided by: domino
--------------------
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer… I saw the video… we need to talk.
--------------------
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, neither does the milk.
Provided by: Arun Ashok
--------------------
If you start talking to the beer bottle you’re drunk, if the beer bottle talks back you’re WASTED!
Provided by: supersoldier
--------------------
I have a drinking problem… I can’t find my beer.
Provided by: Mark Abela xD
--------------------
Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.
--------------------
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Provided by: Brian
--------------------
It takes skill to be a great drunk, how else can you fall out of a tent and roll around and not spill a single drop of your beer?
Provided by: fuzz
--------------------
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
– W. C. Fields
--------------------
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
--------------------
Do you realize you were swerving back there?
Sorry officer, my beer was sliding all over the dashboard and I didn’t want it to spill.
Provided by: Trystan
--------------------
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes & dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.’
– Jack Handey
Provided by: JenJen
--------------------
The whole world is about three drinks behind.
– Humphrey Bogart
--------------------
One tequila, two tequila, three thequila FLOOR! Get back up and drink some more!!!
Provided by: Treska Guitard
--------------------
I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.
--------------------
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.
– Hunter S. Thompson
--------------------
This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.
– Samuel Johnson
--------------------
The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.
– William Temple
--------------------
I stopped drinking for a while, Then I woke up
Provided by: Mase
--------------------
There is a devil in every berry of the grape.
--------------------
I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it.
– Robert E. Lee
--------------------
One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
– Nancy Astor
--------------------
Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
– Catherine Zandonella
--------------------
An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
– Dylan Thomas
--------------------
Listen, I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk, we go to parties.
--------------------
Drink more beer, give a fat girl a chance.
Provided by: rbking----------
--------------------
Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
--------------------
You drink, get drunk, party hard, get hangover the next morning, then you decide not to drink again, but as your system starts running up and fine, you do it again. That’s how human nature works.
Provided by: Naqibullah Paiman
--------------------
They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.
Provided by: oooolalo
--------------------
A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.
Provided by: Spider-Net
--------------------
Rehab is for Quitters!
Provided by: JenJen
--------------------
I drink to forget I drink.
– Joe E. Lewis
--------------------
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
--------------------
I don’t have a drinking problem.
I drink,
I get drunk,
I pass out,
NO PROBLEM!
--------------------
Drinking and Driving is so dangerous. Yesterday I hand signaled to turn and some guy stole my beer.
Provided by: Wilke van Greunen
--------------------
A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.
– Charlie Chaplin
--------------------
Beer is proof God loves us, and wants us to be happy.
Provided by: jay
--------------------
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
--------------------
Cop says, “Have you been drinking tonight?”
I say, “Why? Is there a fat chick in the back”
Provided by: Brian D
--------------------
Taking drugs to solve problems is like cleaning your room and putting all the extra stuff in the closet. You can’t see it anymore, but it’s still there.
Provided by: Erika
--------------------
They advise me not to drink every day, so I just do it every night.
Provided by: Alan
--------------------
Alcohol – Some of the best times you’ll never remember.
Provided by: kenny
--------------------
When you’re drunk, you notice the Earth really spins.
Provided by: Jack Daniels
--------------------
I am not drunk, just chemically imbalanced.
Provided by: wallace
--------------------
Alcohol has cost many lives…but let’s not forget how many it has created.
Provided by: bart
--------------------
Get drunk and laugh at the world
Provided by: me
--------------------
OH Liquor, OH Liquor. Can’t you make me drunk quicker?
Provided by: John Lane
--------------------
Drink with modesty, but never drink with anger.
Provided by: John Lane
--------------------
When the whiskey goes in the truth comes out.
Provided by: CSOTO
--------------------
I don’t make enough money to go on vacation, so I’m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don’t know where I am.
--------------------
That’s the problem with drinking if something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
Provided by: mohamad zaidan
--------------------
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!
Provided by: Spider-Net
--------------------
You call me an alcoholic but I call it a damn good time.
Provided by: jessie
--------------------
I only drink on ---------- days when it rains & when it doesnt
Provided by: mannu
--------------------
You know you are drunk when you think the bartender is making your drinks weaker.
Provided by: Jason
--------------------
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
– Richard Braunstein
Provided by: Jerry L. Hilbert
--------------------
I drink to forget, but I can’t remember why.
Provided by: jason
--------------------
Don’t try to drown your sorrows with alcohol, your sorrows can swim.
Provided by: Casey
--------------------
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink cause I know the only feeling they will have better than me is when they wake up in the morning.
Provided by: wayne
--------------------
Alcohol doesn’t solve your problems but then again, neither does milk.
Provided by: kimchi
--------------------
Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn’t hold water.
– Thomas L. Masson
--------------------
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend.
– Gerard Way
--------------------
Everything’s better with some wine in the belly.
– George R.R. Martin, Game of Thrones
--------------------
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
– Winston Churchill
--------------------
Don’t drink and drive – accidents cause people!
Provided by: cutiewithabootie
--------------------
There is no such thing as strong drink – only weak men.
Provided by: Oneel
--------------------
I only drink on three days; Saturdays; Sundays and Weekdays
Provided by: Prince
--------------------
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
– W.C. Fields
--------------------
Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.
– Jonathan Swift
--------------------
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
--------------------
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
– Finley Peter Dunne
--------------------
I take my alcohol medicine everyday.
Provided by: joshua michael levinson
--------------------
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
– W.C. Fields
--------------------
A gOOd FrIenD sEes U DruNk aNd TaKeS uR dRiNK aWaY … BUt A tRuE fRiEnD sEes you StUnbLiN nD sAys you bEttEr ChUgg ThAt… YoU kNOw We doNt WaStE!!!!
Provided by: LADYBIGMOUTH
--------------------
Boy: What is the secret to a long life?
Wise one: The secret to a long life is don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t overeat. The secret to a happy life is a whole different story!
Provided by: lo foxy
--------------------
If your drinking to forget than please pay us in advance.
Provided by: matthew
--------------------
Don’t Drink And Drive . Give Me The Drink And Drive Me Home
Provided by: joe
--------------------
A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.
– Samuel Johnson
--------------------
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
– Dean Martin
--------------------
A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.
– Lee Entrekin
--------------------
They have warning labels on alcohol for women who are pregnant.. Where is the one that says this bottle could lead you to pregnancy?
Provided by: Josh
--------------------
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Provided by: Dennis
--------------------
Save water, drink beer!
Provided by: franky
--------------------
Drink till she looks cute…!!
Provided by: jack
--------------------
Alcohol is the answer.
What was the question?
Provided by: Mirjam
--------------------
Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.
– Herman Smith- Johannsen
--------------------
Beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… On things like chairs, tables, and other people.
Provided by: Katie
--------------------
Don’t drink and drive… But then again don’t read and drive.
Provided by: Mark Abela xD
--------------------
Who needs beer goggles, I got vodka binoculars!!!
Provided by: tbr
--------------------
According to me, a balanced diet is having a BEER in each hand.
Provided by: Sahil Manchanda
--------------------
Let ethanol make you more interesting.
Provided by: ankur dhankar
--------------------
I don’t drink, its the alcohol which got addicted to me. – Akash Malik
I hate drinking, but alcohol loves me. – Akash Malik
Provided by: Akash Malik
--------------------
No one respects age unless it’s bottled.
Provided by: Gary
--------------------
I don’t have a drinking problem… I’m actually quite good at it.
Provided by: chingo
--------------------
I was sober, but then I woke up
Provided by: Burak
--------------------
Who says I drink.. I am just helping poor people working in alcohol factories.
Provided by: abhay bhandari
--------------------
Beer makes you feel the way you should feel without beer.
Provided by: Donnie Morris
--------------------
Beer… Because it makes me feel good and you look better.
Provided by: jeremy atkins
--------------------
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
– Ernest Hemingway
--------------------
I don’t have a drinking problem, I have no problem with drinking
Provided by: kenya
--------------------
I don’t drink anymore – Now I freeze it and eat it.
Provided by: Howard Penny
--------------------
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--------------------
If you want to know the truth about you, you get drunk or get other people drunk.
Provided by: Louis mafkovits
--------------------
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Provided by: malcolm burns
--------------------
Who is this moderation I am supposed to be drinking with?
Provided by: Kristen
--------------------
If drinking and driving is against the law, why do they have parking at clubs and pubs?
Provided by: Teogo
--------------------
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
– Dave Barry
--------------------
Yes, I have a drinking problem, which is only solved by drinking.
Provided by: don k
--------------------
If I don’t drink and drive, how will I get home?
Provided by: Ian V.
--------------------
Friends don’t let friends drink by themselves.
Provided by: Barrett
--------------------
The Surgeon General advises that smoking is bad for your health, that’s why I drink.
Provided by: jason fleming
--------------------
I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
Provided by: Murfius
--------------------
When Wine Goes in Wisdom Comes Out.
Provided by: Adi
--------------------
Alcohol is not the answer to every question…
but it helps us to forget every question…
Provided by: Shifo
--------------------
I do not get drunk, I get awesome.
Provided by: bobby
--------------------
So much the worse for those who fear wine, for it is because they have some bad thoughts which they are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts.
– Alexandre Dumas
--------------------
You know you’re drunk when you take a big shot with the lid still on.
Provided by: mauijagg
--------------------
You know you’re wasted when you’re looking in the mirror, and can’t figure out what the heck you’re looking at.
Provided by: cousin jake
--------------------
A drunk mind speaks TRULY…!
Provided by: jmdgreat
--------------------
I say when I drink what I think when I’m sober
Provided by: scout
--------------------
You know you’re drunk when you lose arguments with yourself.
Provided by: Klub
--------------------
You look like I could use a drink!
Provided by: Kimberly
--------------------
It does not matter if the glass is half empty or half full, clearly there’s room for more alcohol.
Provided by: hoatsie
--------------------
Love makes the world go round. Alcohol makes it go twice as fast.
Provided by: timangkey
--------------------
I have come to the conclusion that the solution to all of life’s problems can’t be found at the bottom of a beer glass. However, I’m going to keep checking just in case I’m wrong.
Provided by: Jeffro
--------------------
Half drunk is waste of money.
--------------------
“Wine is a grand thing,” I said. “It makes you forget all the bad.”
– Ernest Hemingway
--------------------
A woman drove me to drink and I never had the decency to thank her.
– W.C. Fields
--------------------
Drink and think but don’t think and drink
Provided by: rahul sharma
--------------------
Hand me another shot, you’re still ugly.
Provided by: Craig
--------------------
Bob, that quote is both daft and wrong the correct one is:
When life gives you lemons, bring on the tequila! :D
Provided by: Alexander
--------------------
Heard this the other day….
Stopping alcohol and cigarettes don’t make you live longer – it will just SEEM longer !
Provided by: Jacquie
--------------------
A beer in hand is worth four in the fridge.
Provided by: Itodo desmond
--------------------
I only drink alcohol when I am alone or with someone else.
Provided by: Drew
--------------------
Blondes have more fun, but redheads remember it the next day
Provided by: Angilina
--------------------
Alcohol does not make you fat – it makes you lean… Against tables, chairs, floors, and ugly people.
Provided by: Tammy
--------------------
Now I lay me down to sleep with a vodka bottle at my feet. If I die before I wake. Tell my friends I drank it straight.
Provided by: justise
--------------------
I’m gonna fight you with one hand. But if you spill my beer, I’m using both.
Provided by: thedood
--------------------
To alcohol…The cause and solution to all of life’s problems.
Provided by: Techno_Man
--------------------
Only when you are drunk can your true creative side be seen.
Provided by: Annisha Barrett
--------------------
Either give me more wine or leave me alone.
– Rumi
--------------------
I don’t have a drinking problem. I’m just really thirsty.
Provided by: cherry
--------------------
Im not as think as you drunk I am
Provided by: jordan
--------------------
Whats the officer problem?
Provided by: coop
--------------------
I don’t drink anymore, but no less either
Provided by: Brian
--------------------
I only had one officer Mr. Peg.
Provided by: bubba
--------------------
I don’t sleep, I pass out.
Provided by: Mea
--------------------
I’m not drunk I’m just holding onto your lawn so I don’t fall of the earth.
Provided by: Awesomeness
--------------------
If your date ain’t what you expected, drink till she is!!
Provided by: Pouri Camz
--------------------
Rum- Regularly Used Medicine.
Provided by: Siddharth
--------------------
I’m lost. Please take me to the nearest BAR.
Provided by: sammie
--------------------
I don’t get drunk, I get AWESOME!!
Provided by: Bo Urbon
--------------------
People say I have an alcohol problem, and I say if there is still alcohol there is no problem.
Provided by: craig
--------------------
Don’t Worry…I’m SOTALLY TOBER!
Provided by: Leo.Y
--------------------
When you start taking pictures of yourself drinking. You need help.
Provided by: lihleG
----------
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
– W.C. Fields
----------
In the eye of a drunk, no one is ugly.
Provided by: Onyedikachi
----------
Love you lots like vodka shots but not as much as tequila.
Provided by: SASHA
----------
I don’t need rehab…I need refill.
Provided by: Tom
----------
I’m not drunk I’m just holding on to the lawn so I don’t fall off the earth.
Provided by: Tay
----------
Drinking beer is not my habit, its my hobby.
Provided by: Pradeep
----------
I have a drinking problem, two hands, one beer, that’s the problem.
Provided by: vuvuzela
----------
Even on bier, I’d still have my beer!
Provided by: Ibanga JF
----------
The privilege of drinking with friends is that, we can talk nonsense all the time… & the best thing is that nonsense is understood, discussed & respected… Cheers !!!
Provided by: punit
----------
Drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, drinking fanta makes you fantastic.
Provided by: kolai
----------
It’s a night to remember, if you can’t remember it…
Provided by: Hasan
----------
I get a lot more from alcohol than alcohol gets from me.
Provided by: Justin Scarlett
----------
The more I drink, the more my hands are shaking. The more my hands are shaking the more I spill. The more I spill the less I drink. That way: the more I drink the less I drink.:)
Provided by: zorro
----------
Good thing I drove last night, I was way too drunk to walk home.
Provided by: Bob
----------
Alcohol, because nothing good started with someone having a salad.
Provided by: candi barr
----------
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
Provided by: Steven
----------
A beer a day keeps the salary away.
Provided by: duard
----------
My father always said- “the day I can’t do my job drunk will be the day I hand in my badge and gun”.
Provided by: fish
----------
If I’m not good enough for you, then you’re not drunk enough for me.
Provided by: Sergiy
----------
There’s nothing wrong with my liver as its been preserved in alcohol.
Provided by: bruce
----------
Vodka . . . Like water, only better.
Provided by: urmothah
----------
I only drink occasionally but everyday seems like my birthday.
Provided by: Robby
----------
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.
----------
Life is better when you are drunk.
----------
Liquor, beer, and vodka make the world a nicer place. People can’t stop laughing, all the fat ugly girls get laid, and the world keeps spinning round. And round and round.
Provided by: Lee
----------
Make it a night you won’t forget, not one you can’t remember.
Provided by: swibiru
----------
Son, we found blood in your alcohol stream…
Provided by: Shelbz
----------
Every time I see my wife, she reminds me of the mistake I committed … Marrying her and not my glass of beer.
Provided by: Tebello Evans London
----------
One only reveals ones true personality when drunk.
Provided by: eajjw
----------
Happy hour is any hour with vodka.
Provided by: jesseyeca
----------
I don’t drink and drive… I drive in between sips!!
Provided by: Ephriam B.
----------
God is great.
Beer is good.
People are crazy.
Provided by: trev
----------
Alcohol makes me brave.
Provided by: takia genji
----------
Don’t blame alcohol for drunk driving…blame the person who invented the wheel!
Provided by: me
----------
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
Provided by: Chellie
----------
You can call us alcoholics if you want, but we call it a damn good time!
Provided by: E
----------
Dear Alcohol – You’ve always been there for me, you wipe my memory when I’m sad, you make that girl down the hall look rad, you landed me in jail twice, but were there when I got bailed out ready on ice, you are taking away the worthless years of my life, killing my liver and helping me ignore my wife. Without you life is an endless road, a life better with sober people is such a load, we both know, in the end, we will be together. So pour me a shot, kick it with beer, lets have another amazing night, it’s only us here.
Provided by: Chris Shepherd
----------
Alcohol can kill the one’s you love. Trust me I would know, its the devil in drinkable form.
Provided by: m
----------
Its good to leave alcohol, its not good to not know where you left it!
What time doesn’t cure, alcohol hides the pain.
Alcohol causes you forget stuff and some other things a don’t remember!
Provided by: alberto sarti
----------
When I drink… I feel like I’m a KING of the biggest KINGS in the world!
Provided by: khoury
----------
A drunkards blood should be examined very well by the doctor before donor.who knows his blood may be --------------------% alcoholic
----------
Give a man a beer and another beer and another beer and here fishy fishy. Give me another beer.
Provided by: Cal
----------
One drink is too many
and a thousands not enough
Provided by: melessa
----------
Drink driving isn’t a crime it’s only a crime if you spill it!
Provided by: Sam
----------
A drink is when your mind says yes, but your liver says no!!!
Provided by: blondi
----------
I did not drink your acohol, I only tasted your liquor.
Provided by: vince
----------
Drinking is gross BUT I FEEL HOTT WHEN I DO IT
Provided by: stephanie
----------
…..Whisky Is Risky…..
Provided by: W,K ,ZADRAN
----------
Don’t drink and drive because you might get hit by a blimp and spill your drink. And that’s bad.
Provided by: xkxxkxkxk
----------
She only drinks when she’s awake and then only on those days that end in Y. I’ve never seen her drunk enough to fall off the floor. Where’s the problem here?
Provided by: gotabuzz
----------
The best kind of alcohol is the kind that makes you forget.
Provided by: Ruby
----------
Let him get drunk…And later, he will confess the truth.
Provided by: CLEMENZ
----------
Is the glass is half empty or half full?
Who cares? Just drink the beer and move on with life!
Provided by: Beyond Lazy
----------
What does sober mean?
Provided by: Me24
----------
I swear to drink, I didn’t god tonight, ossifer!
Provided by: RosePetal
----------
I don’t drink and drive, I drink as I drive.
Provided by: Wanjusi Isaac
----------
And the ones who don’t like liquor, drugstores admire you.
Provided by: Samantha
----------
A drinker’s thoughts are the real face of a gentle person.
Provided by: Neeraj.Kumar
----------
I drink to forget that I smoke.
Provided by: shreyansh rohatgi
----------
I have all day sober to Sunday up!
Provided by: Teri-lynn.M
----------
“but why is all the rum gone?!?!?!”captin jack sparrow
Provided by: gee owayday
----------
If your beer hits the floor,
send your girl out the door.
Provided by: Jesse
----------
It not a night to remember if you can’t remember it
Provided by: beka
----------
I can’t remember the last time I was arrested for drunk and disorderly…….. I was too drunk……
Provided by: Spencer
----------
I quit drinking ! Now I freeze it and eat it!
Provided by: Dave
----------
What’s the ociffer problem
Provided by: nick lawson
----------
Don’t talk to me if you can’t buy me a drink.
Provided by: iya
----------
Dear friend: I have been thinking and drinking until finally I realized something REALLY important and that’s I like drinking
Provided by: Tay-tah-tohts
----------
If I knew that I was going to this thirsty today I would’ve drunk even more last night.
----------
I don’t drink to get drunk…I drink to get awesome.
Provided by: Joshua
----------
No police officer I don’t drink and drive it’s illegal… I drive and drink!
Provided by: Jahszmiin
----------
I have a drinking problem, two hands and just one mouth.
Provided by: Johnny Walker
----------
I’m sotally tober ossifer!!
Provided by: harleygirl
----------
I don’t have a drink problem…I can go all day without it…I just need it at night thats all.
Provided by: Michelle
----------
If vodka was drama in our school we would all be wasted =]
Provided by: S&N
----------
I’m not an alcoholic…it’s just called being fun.
Provided by: ANGIE
----------
Take me drunk im home !
Provided by: shauna
----------
You know you’ve had too much beer when you run out. You’ve had too little if you can afford to buy more.
Draft beer, not soldiers.
Provided by: corey
----------
Im too drunk to notice what im doing, so ill think about it later.
Provided by: Ed
----------
I’m gonna get drunk and let my car drive me home!
Provided by: Jerryhammer
----------
Drink like a fish.
Smoke like a chimney..
Tomorrow is another day..
Provided by: jay razon
----------
I drink so that I cannot lie
Provided by: vince
----------
Over the Lips and Over the Gums Watch out Stomach Here it Comes.
Provided by: Aarron
----------
The magnetic fields in the Earth must be Drunk if it makes the World spin
.
Provided by: Trevor
----------
You now you’re drunk when you pour the beer down you’re through because you are lying on your back and can’t lift your head.
Provided by: mccoy
----------
I have an alcohol problem…problem is, I can’t get enough of the stuff.
Provided by: j.gmck
----------
Alcohol makes everything better!! SOUTH CAROLINA GIRLS, do it big or go home.
Provided by: Brittney Trevino
----------
Drinking makes the mind go sober.
Provided by: heruba
----------
No matter how far you go down the right road, you can always turn around and go to the dance bar and get some beer.
Provided by: George Washington
----------
I’m not an alcoholic…I’m a narcotics enthusiast!!!
Provided by: Nicole
----------
I Have No Drinking Problems.
I Drink … I Get Drunk … I Fall Down … No Problem :- )
Provided by: Zealotor
----------
I drink till I can’t see any more.i drink till I can’t walk. I drink till I hit the floor.i drink till I am sick. Then I still get up and drink some more
Provided by: tricia
----------
I am being sober in moderation…
Provided by: T-Man
----------
I am on a ALCOHOL DRINKING DIET so when I see ALCOHOL I have to DRINK.
Provided by: Given
----------
When life gives you lemons, break out the tequila and salt!
Provided by: Jani
----------
Whisky or wine? I really don’t even care if that ryhmes, but since I’m on a role give me a shot of both.
Provided by: John Lane
----------
Cant sing.
Can’t dance.
Too fat to fly.
So I drink…
In loving memory.
Provided by: Rick Fenn
----------
I’m not musician with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a music problem.
Provided by: Matt
----------
I thought that alcohol was just for special occasions but people use it just to dull the pain.
Provided by: dinobambamboom
----------
Alcohol is the best thing that has ever been invented. (:
Provided by: lucia
----------
This is an old Danish saying
We toast to our friends and those we know. And those we do not know, them we toast with.
Provided by: DrunkenDane
----------
Me: Yes officer is anything wrong?
Officer: No I was just wondering if you have any beer left??
Me: Yes we do.. But you have to fix my DUI
Officer: Give me the beer
This really happen but he never fixed my DUI
Provided by: Nikki
----------
I don’t drunk with dance people!
Provided by: Nik-Nak
----------
Take me drunk, I am home!!
Provided by: enri
----------
Life is too short to stay sober.
Provided by: Ranjeet Singh Gill
----------
It caused me to want more daily…CHEEEERRSSSSS!!!!!!
Provided by: aiden
----------
AA? My mom didn’t raise a quitter.
Provided by: skolnick
----------
A question stuck into my mind, that is there any bar in the hell?
Provided by: Pradeep
----------
I need a beer… Actually.. Make it a case.
Provided by: kellen
----------
To beer or not to beer shakesbeer
Provided by: adam
----------
A day without beer is like a day without sun.
Provided by: floyd
----------
Beer is your true friend, always there…always available.
Provided by: eisenheim
----------
Go ahead, drink and drive, the police is to your left, the hospital it to your right and the morgue is further up the road.
Provided by: rookie
----------
I am awake, I might as well be drinking.
Provided by: ali
----------
I am not drunk, I’m just chemically off- balanced…
Provided by: yusufali
----------
He who drinks gets drunk, he who gets drunk goes to sleep, he who goes to sleeps doesn’t sin, he who doesn’t sin goes to heaven, so lets all drink n we all go to heaven!!! Order from above.
Provided by: Wanjusi Isaac
----------
Alcohol is the sweet poison having benefits less than harm.
Provided by: zaffar magami
----------
Let’s face it – no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.
Provided by: Dixon
----------
Nothing is impossible when you’re drunk.
Provided by: rash
----------
Too much of any liquor makes a fool of any man. Wine should make the heart rejoice not feel remorse.
Provided by: jeff lance
----------
I’m on a diet, I only drink on days ending in y now.
Provided by: adam =)
----------
Just give me the alcohol and nobody gets hurt.
Provided by: Whaaaat!!
----------
I haven’t drank since the funnel was invented!
Provided by: Sandy
----------
My favorite drink is whiskey and sofa.
Provided by: George Valentine
----------
You know you are drunk, when you walk into a door you didn’t see.
You know you are drunk, when you wake in the morning and don’t know what you did the night before.
Provided by: JESSICA
----------
Wine enters, secrets come out.
Provided by: eldy
----------
The liver is evil and must be punished.
Provided by: mirjam
----------
Drinking solves my drinking problem.
Provided by: brant
----------
I don’t have a drinking problem… The glass lifts up just fine thank you.
Provided by: lana lane
----------
Beer is better than a woman… It’s always there for you, never disappoints, always makes you feel good and doesn’t care if you drink out of another beer.
Provided by: tyler zander
----------
There is a liquid Photoshop for men and it’s called Alcohol.
Provided by: The joker
----------
My doctor says my alcohol level is dangerously low.
Provided by: john-s
----------
I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.
– Jim Carrey
----------
She has many rare and charming qualities, but Sobriety is not one of them.
– Jane Austen
----------
A drink. A good company in bad times. !!!
Provided by: malvi
----------
My drinking team has a hockey problem.
Provided by: to young
----------
I love you almost as much as I love alcohol… ALMOST…
Provided by: kaylyn
----------
The best way to end a successful campaign is with a bottle of champagne.
Provided by: Ayara Vincent
----------
I’m sotaly tober.
Provided by: gt121
----------
Yeah I have a drinking problem. I can fist two beers and only have one mouth.
Provided by: Ben Dover
----------
I only drink on two occasions, when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
Provided by: matt
----------
There’s no beer in heaven, we might as well drink it here.
Provided by: Chris
----------
Friend ----------: So are you a heavy drinker?
Friend ----------: No, I only drink light beer.
Provided by: lanie
----------
When I feel alone…there is only one thing in my mind and that is beer.
Provided by: eisenheim
----------
I sometimes drink to be able to tolerate those around me who don’t.
– Robert Ruffer
Provided by: Robert Ruffer
----------
Paul: I noticed that the only time you respond is when you are drunk.
Mark: True, that’s because I only drink to make you interesting.
Provided by: dotun
----------
One solution to all problems “Alcohol”.
Provided by: shank
----------
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
– Lord Byron
----------
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
– Phyllis Diller
----------
Great love affairs start with Champagne and end with tisane.
– HonorĂ© de Balzac
----------
As I poured myself yet another glass of wine. After many. It occurred to me that I don’t have a drinking issue. No no. Only those who do not drink have a drinking issue.
Provided by: Larissa
----------
An addict’s biggest flaw is in denial, till you admit your wrongdoings for everything else will be your biggest and most deadly flaw.
Provided by: Rachaell Lahage
----------
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
– Rodney Dangerfield
----------
I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a being sober problem.
Provided by: garry wharton
----------
Mom tells me not to drink in the morning, I say it’s always night time somewhere in the world.
Provided by: garry wharton
----------
I will keep drinking till you are pretty.
Provided by: dino
----------
Thinking of quitting ?
Remember, you don’t live any longer, it only seems like it.
Provided by: Dennis
----------
A drunken mind, speaks a sober heart.
----------
I used to have a drinking problem, I didn’t drink enough.
Provided by: Bruciebaby
----------
A sober mind is a boring mind.
Provided by: Koketso Nkwane
----------
Where there’s rum, there’s a way…
Provided by: N. A. H.
----------
I’ll have one more. I cannot eat on an empty stomach.
Provided by: Brannas
----------
NO…I don’t want a glass…it already comes in a glass!!!
Provided by: Nicole
----------
If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.
– Ann Landers
----------
The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.
----------
Wine is sunlight, held together by water.
– Galileo Galilei
----------
Boss. Sorry I can’t come to work today. I woke up this morning and hurt my hand trying to get the cap off my breakfast!
Provided by: louis
----------
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
– Rodney Dangerfield
----------
I figured out the abbreviation of WH IS KY” =”which is the key” to everything.
Provided by: Ambuj Bhatt
----------
Whisky Is A Brilliant Invention…One DOUBLE and people starts feeling SINGLE Again…:P
Provided by: akash
----------
Whats the point of drinking if you don’t drink till you don’t remember you drank ?
Provided by: OG
----------
In vino veritas – in wine there is truth.
----------
When I’m drunk and I say I love you, I’m referring to beer. Don’t take this the wrong way but I need some time with beer. Beer goes away, but you…you stay here forever.
Provided by: Michael
----------
Party all night, drink all day maybe that would make the hangover go away.
Provided by: %crazy star%
----------
A night to never forget is one you can hardly remember.
Provided by: miranda
----------
Drink until you fall over and then you lay and drink…
Provided by: herman
----------
Where there’s a wine, there’s a way!
Provided by: shelly
----------
Let’s go drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore!
As we say in Ireland: let us drink until the alcohol in our systems destroys our livers and kills us.
– all from Family Guy, the drunkest show on TV
Provided by: Cirrhosis the Wonderdog
----------
I drink for those who wish me well; All those who don’t can go to hell…
Provided by: Marie Antoinette
----------
People Normally Drink I Drink Normally!! :P
Provided by: Charley
----------
I wasn’t drinking, I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t even there, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Provided by: johnnyblayz
----------
He who drinks gets drunk
He who gets drunk falls asleep
He who falls asleep does not sin
He who does not sin goes to heaven
So let us all drink and go to heaven ……
Provided by: Stu Hill
----------
You never know what you’re missing until you start drinking alcohol.
Provided by: chikks
----------
Tequila..all the answers are at the end of the bottle!
Provided by: Dev
----------
I drink it when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone; when I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it – unless I’m thirsty.
Provided by: kymme
----------
I’m recovering from sobriety…
Provided by: Tawna
----------
I only drink on two occasions, first when it’s raining and second when it’s not.
----------