Rajnikanth jokes

Kabali leaked online and the same day the owner of world's biggest torrent site, Kickass arrested in Poland.
You still doubt Rajinikanth?
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There used to be a street named after Rajinikanth... but it was changed because nobody crosses Rajinikanth and lives!
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Rajinikanth is remaking Titanic with some changes,
In the end he doesn't die but swims across the ocean with heroine in 1 hand and titanic in the other hand.
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Rajinikanth is getting goose bumps. He reportedly watched the trailer of "The Messenger of God" aka MSG. Now he knows, he is not irreplaceable!
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Rajinikanth: Hello I'm Rajinikanth.
Receiver: Han Han, Pata Hai!
Rajinikanth: Tujhe Kaise Pata Chala, Main Rajinikanth Bol Raha Hun?
Receiver: Bass Kya Bhai... Mobile Switch Off Tha Mera!
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"Arctic Ocean has started receding"
Rumours are Rajini Sir has accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge!
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If all Rajinikanth fans formed a country, the world would be one!
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Reason for Gold Crash:
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Rajinikanth is selling his wife's jewellery!
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Once while travelling through Gujarat, Rajinikanth bought tea from a kid... you know the rest of the story!
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Rajinikanth Sir,
You're really great. You hugged a 'Chaiwala' and now he's our PM!
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Breaking News
Twitter Inc. stock price spurts after Rajinikanth joins Twitter!
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Once Rajnikanth went to Switzerland and accidentally droped his wallet in a building.
Since then, the place is popular for its "Swiss Bank"!
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MH370:
Okay Rajinikanth. Enough pranks! You win. Now tell us where the plane is!
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All the teachers used to come to college wearing sun glasses, why? .
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.
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Because Rajinikanth was a very bright student!
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Once Rajinikanth bowled to Sachin Tendulkar and that was the day Rajinikanth came to know that he's not God.
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As Cricket can have only one God.
The story doesn't end here.
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...
But he bowled him on the first ball, and that's how the realization that he's Super God!
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Once a TATA Company's 22 wheeler huge truck rammed into Rajinikanth.
Since then it's known as:
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....
TATA NANO!
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The weather in India is such smoky and foggy that either,

1. Rajinikanth is smoking,
or
2. Alok Nath is doing Puja!
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Hoax News:
Sand storm reported in Rajasthan
Reportedly, Rajinikanth blew his 63rd birthday candles today!
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Just in:
Rajinikanth can whistle in 5 different languages!
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When Karwa Chauth fasted For Rajinikanth, the ODI Cricket match abandoned!
Ishant Sharma bragged, "Now play without me!"
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Person: Rajinikanth ji, total how many jokes have been made on you?
Rajinikanth: Only 2-3 jokes.
Person: 2-3 jokes?
Rajnikanth: Enna Rascala! Rest all are facts!
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Breaking News:
The reason behind recent onion price rise revealed.
Actually Rajinikanth
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ordered "Onion Uttapam"!
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A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people.
It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikant and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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Rajanikanth was once on "Celebrity Wheel of Fortune" and was the first to spin.
The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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How did Paul Octopus die?
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He was asked to predict Rajnikanth's death.
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Once Rajanikanth bunked a whole day in school.
Since then that day is known as........Sunday!
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Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table;
Because;
Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
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Rajanikanth did his KG from seven different places..
Today those places are known as IITs.
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Rajinikanth doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it!
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Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Rajinikanth to die before they attack!
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Who can shake the moon?
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It's Chandra Shaker. It isn't always always Rajinikanth!
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What happens if Rajinikanth is appointed the coach of the Indian Cricket team?
Don't even try to guess as to what would happen.
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The Indian Cricket team would win the FIFA and Hockey World Cup!
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Finally, Rajinikanth accepts that Chris Gayle is his rightful heir!
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Rajinikanth has already been to Mars. It's the reason for there being no signs of life on that planet!
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Little boy: Rajini uncle, what's your most memorable moment while studying in school?
Rajinikanth: While being a monitor, I once told Manmohan Singh, while he was a little boy to keep quiet in class. And now it's history!
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Jesus can walk on water but Rajnikanth can swim through land.
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To
Mr. Rajinikanth,
Chennai.

Dear Sir,
Please close your fridge door properly and especially before sleeping.
Yours faithfully,
North Indians
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A long time ago, two men made a joke on Rajinikanth.
No they are known as
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...
....
Santa and Banta.
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Why is there less crime in South India as compared to other parts of India?
Better Policing?
Nah
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So simple, it's Rajinikanth!
Dubara Mat Puchhna...
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Rajinikanth in Tamil remake of Aamir Khan's Ghulam:
Rajini runs on a railway track. The train is at a distance of one meter.
So what happens?
Obviously the train jumps off the track!
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12-12-12. Rajinikanth turns 62 today.
Dear Birthday,
Happy Rajinikanth to you!
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At the site of an active volcano:
New geologist: I just saw Rajinikanth covered in towel pass by me.
Old geologist: Yeah, he comes here evey weekend.
New geologist: What for? And that too in a towel?
Old geologist: For a sauna bath inside the hot steaming volcano.
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Breaking News:
Rajinikanth died in the morning.
However, he is fine now.
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"Gangnam Style" is the result of Rajinikanth once practising horse riding for a shot in the movie, without a horse.
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New Incredible India commercial:
Rajinikanth Inside!
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Sudden declaration of Ajmal Kasab's hanging:
Instead of crediting dengue or rejection of the mercy petition, even Rajinikanth's role should be investigated!
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A missile was sent by Pakistan to Kargil. Rajinikanth stopped it at the border!
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Rajinikanth can whistle in 5 different languages!
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Rajinikanth was shot today...
Funeral of the bullet is tomorrow.
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The only thing that runs faster and longer than Rajinikanth are his films.
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If Rajnikanth was born 200 yrs ago, British would have fought India to get Independence.
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The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajinikanth's signature!
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The apple which fell on Newton was actually thrown by Rajinikanth!
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The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.
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Rajinikanth is so fast that he can run around the globe and punch himself in the back of his head.
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Death once had a 'near-Rajni' experience
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Rajinikanth can send a message through 'Whatsapp' from a PCO!
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Q: Why is sea water salty?
A: Bcoz Rajinikanth pees in it.
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A frustrated message from Rajinikanth:
Who the hell is spreading false rumours that I gave birth to my parents?
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What does Rajinikanth eat?
Whatever his wife cooks. Even he doesn't have a choice here.
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Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
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Q: Why did Rajinikanth jump off a bridge?
A: He wanted to check the depth of the ocean.
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When Rajinikanth feels like bathing, monsoons arrive in India. No wonder, monsoons hit South India first.
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When Rajinikanth had surgery, anesthesia was given to the doctors.
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Santa: My internet speed was very slow. I found a solution.
Banta: Tell me also. Even my net is slow.
Santa: I have installed a wallpaper of Rajinikanth. Now I am enjoying the speed of a 3G connection.
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TATA Nano was invented after a 22 wheel TATA truck crashed into RajiniKanth.
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Breaking News:
You'll never need to charge your cellphone if you have enough Rajinikanth jokes stored in your Inbox.
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Ghosts are actually caused by Rajinikanth killing people faster than death can process them.
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Bulk SMS ban for 15 days: Rajinikanth is responsible for it as too many Rajini SMS were being forwarded.
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Rajinikanth got angry with his friend for being rude. He was told not to show his face again. That person is now known as BIGG BOSS.
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The reason India won the Cricket World Cup 2011:
Tendulka(R)
G(A)mbir
Yuvra(J)
V(I)render Sehwag
Rai(N)a
Dhon(I)
(K)ohli
Harbh(A)jan
Zaheer Kha(N)
Pa(T)el
As(H)win
Enna Rascala, mind it!
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Rajinikanth was putting his dog's tail into a pipe.
Passer-by: Hey, dog's tail never straightens.
Rajinikanth: Yenna Rascala, it's my dog. I am bending the pipe!
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The power grid failure happened in India because Rajinikanth was charging his mobile.
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Once a farmer replaced "scare crow" in the farm with Rajinikanth's statue. And birds even returned the grains they took last year!
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Once Rajinikanth went to McDonald's. He ordered a Dosa but McDonald's refused. Since that day, Ronald McDonald sits outside his own restaurant!
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Rajinikanth can produce fire by
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rubbing 2 ice cubes.
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Once Rajnikant's pencil broke while writing CAT Exam. Guess What?
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CAT was made an Online Test!
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Hrithik once challenged Rajinikanth in a Dance Competition.
Result:
Hrithik on a wheelchair in Guzaarish.
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Dear Rajnikanth,
Please switch off your AC.
Regards.
North Indians.
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FaceBook founder Mark Zuckerberg is hospitalized with serious injury.
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Sources revealed, Rajnikanth poked him on FaceBook!
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Why did Rajnikanth fall sick and went to Singapore?
Bcoz he's the brand ambassador of Singapore Medical Tourism.
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Why did the govt. built satellite launching station at Sri Harikota in South India?
It`s obvious. Bcoz Rajnikanth can provide the energy to launch the space vehicles.
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Why doesn`t Rajnikanth ever object to SMS made on him?
Bcoz he wants Indians to get entertained and not indulge in primitive entertainment and make more babies.
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Why time never stops?
Bcoz it is trying to catch up with Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikanth killed the dead sea.
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Rajnikanth killed Spiderman using anti-bug spray.
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Rajnikanth can strangle with a cordless phone.
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Aliens do indeed exist. They are simply avoiding Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikanth can build a snowman out of rain.
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The earth was set on the axial point. It tilted when Rajnikanth was born.
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We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikanth gave the Joker those scars.
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Rajnikanth kicked the hole out of the black hole.
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Rajnikanth doesn`t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
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Rajnikanth can judge a book by it`s cover,
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Rajnikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
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Rajnikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
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The quickest way to a man`s heart is with Rajnikanth`s fist.
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Rajnikanth has already been to Mars, that`s why there is no sign of life there.
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Rajnikanth leaves the messages before the beep.
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Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way.
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Rajnikanth`s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikanth can win at Solitaire with only 16 cards.
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Water boils faster when Rajnikanth stares at it.
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Rajnikanth can lick his elbows.
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Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
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Rajnikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
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Rajnikanth can count infinity, twice.
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Rajnikanth is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.
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The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
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Rajnikanth got smallpox when he was kid. As a result, smallpox is now eradicated.
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Rajnikanth can win F1 in reverse gear.
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Rajnikanth electrocuted Iron Man.
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Rajnikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendents are today called giraffes.
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When Rajnikanth walks into a dark room, he doesn`t turn the light on. He turns darkness off.
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When Rajnikanth does push-ups, he isn`t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
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Time and tide wait for Rajnikanth.
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When Rajnikanth asked to kill someone he doesn`t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
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Rajnikanth doesn`t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection from pollution.
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Rajnikanth knows what women really want.
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Rajnikanth`s every step creates a mini whirlwind, Tsunami was the result of Rajinkanth`s swimming.
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The British left India because Rajnikanth told them he was coming.
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Rajnikanth eliminates two stones with one bird.
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There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajnikanth lives in Chennai.
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Chuck Norris once met Rajnikanth. The result? He was reduced to a joke on the internet.
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The only things that runs longer than Rajnikanth are his films.
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Rajnikanth puts the ‘laughter` in manslaughter.
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Rajnikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
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Rajnikanth once swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
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Google won`t find Rajnikanth because you don`t find Rajnikanth; Rajnikanth finds you.
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Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
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Rajnikanth once warned a young girl to be good `or else`. The result? Mother Teresa.
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Rajnikanth never falls in love, he just rises in love.
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Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
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Rajnikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
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Rajnikanth doesn`t bowl Strikes, he just knocks down one pin; and the other nine fall out of fear.
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Rajnikanth knows Victoria`s Secret.
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There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajnikanth allowed to live.
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Rajnikanth does not get frostbite, he bites frost.
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The last time Rajnikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated, Resonance.
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The statement, `Nobody can cheat death`, is a personal insult to Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
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Rajnikanth doesn`t move at the speed of light. Light tries to move at the speed of Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikant got his drivers license at the age of 18 seconds.
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Rajnikanth can watch the 60 minutes Show in 20 minutes.
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According to Einstein`s theory of relativity, Rajnikanth can kick you yesterday.
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What is the height of heights?
Rajnikanth.
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Does Rajniknath smoke?
No, he just fires.
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Why is Rajnikanth treated as God?
Bcoz he is omnipresent.
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Before Tom Cruise, Rajnikanth was approached for the movie Mission Impossible but Rajnikanth refused as he found the title insulting.
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How does Rajnikanth freeze things without a refrigerator?
By just saying, `Freeze.`
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One day Rajnikanth was swimming from Africa to US in the Atlantic and he lost his underwear. Now they call it BERMUDA TRIANGLE.
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Rajnikanth: A person used by parachute to land safely.
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What`s the difference between Moon Walk of Michael Jackson and Rajnikanth?
MJ does it while dancing on Earth and Rajnikanth does it walking on Moon.
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Why doesn't Rajnikanth use Google?
Bcoz he already has all the information.
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Why doesn`t Rajnikanth participate in Tomatino festival?
Bcoz the festival is for crushing tomatoes and not people.
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Tamil Nadu has now got the New Bullet Proof Jacket. It`s a T-shirt with Rajnikanth`s photo printed on it.
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When was Rajnikanth born?
No one knows about it. He has been around since the time when history was not documented
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Who are the heroes of India?
Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar, Dhoni, Salman Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and Anna. You wonder why Rajniknath is not in the list. Actually he is not a hero, he is a super-hero.
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Why didn`t Rajnikanth become a Cricketer or a Footballer?
Bcoz only the fans of these games follow them whereas the Indians all over the world follow Rajnikanth.
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Would Rajnikanth ever leave the human body?
No, never! He would simply go to America as America is in deep-shit now whereas India is growing at a fast pace.
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Why did Rajnikanth choose to become a super-human and not God?
Bcoz there are so many Gods in India but only one super-human.
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Why did Rajnikanth went to Singapore for medical check-up?
Bcoz his popularity in India caused inconvenience to other patients in Indian hospitals.
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Why Rajnikanth lives in South India?
Bcoz India is well-protected with natural boundaries in the North and he can take care of enemies invading through water-route.
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Why is Rajnikanth dark-complexioned? Bcoz he is the only one surviving from dark ages.
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How come Barrack Obama became the first black President of the USA?
Americans got inspiration from Rajnikanth. If Rajnikanth can do everything inspite of being dark, even Obama could do it for them.
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Why didn't Rajnikanth object to jokes made on him?
Bcoz he hated growing popularity of Santa and Banta.
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Breaking News:
Rajnikant purchases two NANO cars for...
Skating.
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Breaking News:
Rajnikanth has filed a patent violation suit against Ajay Devgan for copying his style in the movie `Singham`.
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The Hindi cinema got international stature after Rajnikanth agreed to act in a few Bollywood movies.
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Rajnikanth does not need a mobile phone as he travels faster than air waves.
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The Moon and Mars are being explored on the insistence of Rajnikanth that Earth`s air is too polluted for human existence in future.
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Rajnikanth doesn`t eat food. He only checks whether it is edible for humans or not.
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Breaking News:
A train meets an ancident with a bicycle resulting in the death of all train passengers.
The Cyclist, Rajnikanth bolts!
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Rajnikanth enters BIGG BOSS 4.
Next day:
Rajnikanth wants that the BIGG BOSS enters the Confession Room!
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Spiderman, Superman and Batman visit Rajinikanth on every Teacher's Day.
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When Ranikanth's computer hangs, Windows launches its new version.
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The computer virus are always looking for an anti-Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikanth does not wear a watch because he sets his own time.
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Rajnaikanth never jumps but Earth reduces its gravity for his convenience.
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Whenever Rajnikanth makes a mistake, it becomes a new invention.
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The apple that fell on Newton was thrown by Rajnikanth.
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Only Rajniknath knows that what came first, the egg or the hen!
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Rajnikanth goes for his morning walk on the moon as there is a lot of traffic in Poes Garden, Chennai.
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Rajnikanth wife's say sorry to him for his mistakes. One damn lucky husband.
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The sharks live in the depth of the seas bcoz they know that Rajnikanth lives on land.
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You won't need to charge your mobile if you have Rajnikanth jokes in it.
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Rajnikanth stared at the sun for hours, the sun blinked by setting.
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Rajnikanth doesn`t pay attention, attention pays him.
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Rajnikanth can finish Mario brothers without using the jump button.
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Galileo used lamp to study, Graham Bell used candle to study & Shakespeare studied in street light but do u know about Rajnikanth?
Only agarbatti.
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Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North?
Becoz Rajnikanth lives in the South and no one can point at him.
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This message is being sent by Rajnikanth in the interest of humanity:
Stop making jokes on me, otherwise I will delete your `forward` option.
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When Graham Bell invented telephone, he already had 2 missed calls from Rajnikanth.
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A boy broke the window of Rajinikanth`s house while playing cricket. Rajni warned the boy to play slowly. The boy is now known as Misbah-Ul-Haq.
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Once Rajnikanth threw an ignited cigarette up in the sky. It fell on a planet, which is now known as `SUN`.
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Q: Why Rajnikanth doesn`t play cricket?
A: Bcoz Sachin Tendulkar requested him to keep his world records intact.
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Rajnikanth has counted infinity twice.
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Part of apple`s logo that is missing was eaten by Rajnikanth.
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Rajnikanth doesn`t shave.
He just looks in the mirror and dares hair to grow.
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Rajnikanth killed a terrorist in Pakistan `via Bluetooth`.
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When Rajnikanth was a student, teachers used to bunk classes.
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Rajnikanth can draw a straight line with a compass.
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Rajnikanth was practicing for a spelling test, the rough sheet he used is known as Oxford dictionary.
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Rajnikanth knows who let the dogs out.
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Rajnikanth can speak Braille.
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Rajnikanth`s pulse is measured in Richter scale.
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Rajnikanth can make onions cry.
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Rajnikanth wrote his autobiography. It is known as a `Guinness Book of World Records`.
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The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajnikanth`s signature.
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Why did the British leave India in 1947?
Because they came to know a baby named Rajnikanth will be born in 1949!!
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Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
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Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
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There is no such thing as evolution. It`s just a list of creatures that Rajnikanth allowed to live.
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Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
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Once Rajnikanth woke up in the morning & decided to share the knowledge with everyone & thus Google originated.
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I don`t fear exams now because at the beginning of every answer.
I shall write: `According to Rajnikanth.`
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Dinosaurs once laughed at Rajnikanth. As a result, they are extinct.
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Rajnikanth can sentence a judge.
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Rajnikanth makes coffee by grinding beans with his teeth and boiling milk with his anger.
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Rajnikanth can speak Braille.
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Rajnikanth wear sunglasses to save the sun from his eyes.
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Alfred Noble is to be honoured with Rajjnikanth award.
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Rajnikanth ordered a dosa at MacDonald`s and he got it.
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When God watched Robot, he said,`Oh my Rajnikanth!`.
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Rajnikanth has a statue of Madame Tussauds at his house.
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Rajnikanth is the secret of Boost`s energy; and Complan is a Rajnikanth boy.
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Q:Why India`s enemies like China and Pakistan are in north.
A:Bcoz Rajnikant is in south.
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Why did Rajnikanth buy an acre of land with 4 wells in each corner?
Just to play carom.
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The ultimate and the Rajnikanth award goes to `OSCAR`!
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One Day Rajnikanth got angry at his sweeper.
He kicked him so hard that he went flying in d sky with his broom.
2day the boy is famous as `HARRY PORTER`.
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Rajnikanth participated in 100m race, obviously he came first, but Einstein died watching that coz Light came second.
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In 2008, Rajnikanth lost his wallet.
And the world went into RECESSION.
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After release of Robot, Rajnikanth gave Times of India 3 stars.
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Rajnikanth can even receive a missed call.
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What do you call a fart of Rajnikanth?
A: Rajnigandha!
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Rajnikanth`s dog house has sign on it saying: Beware of Owner.
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Breaking news:
Rajnikanth was shot today.
Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral.
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Intel`s new ad:
Rajnikanth Inside.
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