Jokes on facebook

When Facebook shows a Facebook memory to you it is actually reminding you that how dumb were you a few years ago!
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Facebook is like my Mom... it keeps showing me who is getting married!
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May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook!
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Facebook's "People you may know" should be called, "People you definitely know and have been avoiding"!
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After 50 years someone will post Sunny Leone's photo on Facebook saying, "if you know this girl your childhood was awesome"!
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My parents did not force me to study as much as Facebook forces me to install messenger!
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Facebook is a nice place to find people who didn't invite you for their wedding!
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Facebook is like having nosy neighbours who don't really like you.
They just stay connected to look over your wall and see what you're doing!
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FB Ke Naye 3 Bandar:
Bura Mat Like Karo
Bura Mat Comment Karo
Bura Mat Share Karo!
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Facebook Ka Messenger App Dahej Mein Aaye Saale Ki Tarh Hai
Aap Chaho Na Chaho Lekin Rakhna Padega..
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Facebook addicts update status: Going home with 750 others.
Someone: Bhai 750?
Facebook addict: Haan Bhai... Train Se Ja Raha Hoon!
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If a hot & sexy girl sends you a Friend Request on FaceBook, reject 'him'!
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FB Pe Fake ID Banaane Walo:
Tum Ladki Toh Ban Gaye Par Tumhare Liye Ek Buri Khabar Hai...
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Tum Kabhi Maa Nahi Ban Paoge!
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There are two types of broken people:
1. Who cry alone in darkness.
2. Who cry on Facebook with 100 others!
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Unbelievable Fact:
Many people do not know but you can actually watch a movie or go to a GYM without updating it on Facebook!
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Liking your own picture on FB is like putting your hand on your back and smelling your own fart!
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I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone's face and be like:
I Facebooked You!
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Facebook shall also have UnFamily option!
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Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook!
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What if I told you, we all have problems. It's just... some of us just choose not to post them on Facebook!
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Honesty is the best policy. Unless, of course, you're posting a Facebook Profile picture!
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Remember, when people had diaries and got mad when someone read them.
Now, they put everything online and get mad when people don't read and like it!
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How to stop time: kiss.
How to travel in time: read.
How to escape time: music.
How to fear time: write.
How to waste time: Social Media!
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Facebook is now like home. If you don't come back in 24 hours it means you are either lost, dead, sick or had an accident!
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Friend 1: Bhai Aaj Facebook Ne Bachha Liya.
Friend 2: Kaise?
Friend 1: Aaj Meri Biwi Ka Birthday Tha!
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What's the most most embarrassing moment in one's life?
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When nobody likes your Facebook status!
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Those who read my messages are intelligent;
Those who 'like' them are real genius;
Those who comment are 'Friends Forever';
And those who copy are my "Class Fellows"!
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You can never really say "what's on your mind", when your family is on Facebook!
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For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
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Whenever you see a profile picture with two girls in it. It always belongs to the ugly one!
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Dear School Mates,
Why do you add me on FB and never talked to me in school?
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Life is much like Facebook.
People will Like your problems and Comment but no one solve them;
Because everybody seems so busy in updating their own!
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Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"!
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There must be some kind of filter that prevents normal people from liking my page!
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I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"
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You can never really say what's on your mind, when your family is on Facebook!
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If it weren't for FB and Whatsapp, I would have been quite under-employed!
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For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction... plus a social Media's overreaction!
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Single is not a status.
It's a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others!
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Be very careful before posting... you may not like the comments!
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I don't hate even a single person on Friends' List.
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I have blocked them all!
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A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Then why FB friends are averse to #candycrushsaga requests?
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Opinions are like Birthdays... everyone has one - and I only know yours because of Facebook!
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It is down right gross when two people start a conversation on your Facebook Status!
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Dear Female FB Friends,
If we meet offline somewhere and you look nothing like your "Profile Picture", you're buying me drinks until you do!
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Couples date and singles update!
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I've been hearing since my childhood: We are social animals.
But ever since I joined Social Media, I keep hearing - You're anti-social!
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Dear Girls,
If you genuinely want men not to bother you with Facebook Friend requests,
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do not upload your Photoshopped photos or the ones with Makeup!
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Facebook Fact:
Everyone makes an Account for finding friends and relatives; and then becomes addicted to collect "Likes and Comments"!
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Facebook Temporarily Down:
There's no fun doing anything interesting today. Whatever I do, I can't post it!
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Dear Parents,
Just because we share the same last name doesn't mean we have to share everything as Facebook friends!
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Dear Facebook friends,
Please do not post your vacation pictures. This shall help in reducing drama in my household!
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I think there needs to be a "No Drama Please" button on Facebook... one click would be worth thousand words!
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Quite Ironical:
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account!
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Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities!
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Election Commission of India has confirmed that your Vote will be counted even if you don't upload finger mark photo on Facebook and/or Whatsapp.
So just Chill Guys!
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I'm so grateful to Facebook and Whatapp... otherwise I'd have to phone 1000 people every night and tell them I'm going to sleep now!
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That moment - when your parents have more friends on Facebook than you!
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You know you've won the argument on Facebook when they start correcting your grammar!
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I've never met a group of people more worried about their PRIVACY than the people on Facebook who share EVERYTHING about themselves!
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The most powerful force in the universe is SMS, FB and Whatsapp gossip!
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Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp ko toh log aise hi badnam karte hein,
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Asli taqleef to fake ID deti hai!
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Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as true love, and then I remember my love for Facebook!
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Yesterday, I wasted my time on Facebook... only Mark Zuckerburg liked it!
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My friend posted "Facebook has killed the art of Communication". .
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I 'Liked' the post!
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I think I should work for a 'Fence' company... I am really good at putting up 'Posts'!
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Arz Kiya Hai:
Jo Kehti Thi Tujhe Dil Mein Lock Kar Diya;
Jo Kehti Thi Tujhe Dil Mein Lock Kar Diya;
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Aaj Ussi Ne Facebook Pe Block Kar Diya!
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Facebook's 'Seen' and Whatsapp's "Last Seen" were designed to make everyone single!
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It's not important to have long list of friends on Facebook and Whatsapp;
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But it's important to have some friends who can read your face as a book and ask "whats up"?
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I joined Facebook to meet 'Like' minded people!
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Facebook's 'Seen' and WhatsApp's "Last Seen" were designed to make everyone single!
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Sometimes, I wonder if there is such a thing as true love, and then I remember my love for 'Facebook'!
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Behind every man with great status updates is either a beautiful woman who has inspired him or destroyed him!
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Facebook is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel... and misinterpret what other people mean!
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Whenever I feel bored, I just unfriend my family members on Facebook... just to enjoy the drama that follows!
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The generation born till 90s is very lucky... otherwise Facebook and Whatsapp would
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have made their education an onerous task!
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Do you have Facebook?
No.
How about Twitter?
No.
Do you have Whatsapp?
No.
Then, what do you have?
A life.
Great , I need it for Candy Crush?
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"Happy Winters" to married peoples... and for singles -





Keep using Facebook and Whatsapp inside your quilt on your smartphones!
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The only time a woman stands for another woman is when she's getting a group picture clicked to post on Facebook!
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My new year resolution is to increase my Facebook friend list to at least 5000.
For this, I am launching my own
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"Aam Add-Me Party"!
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Updating FB
Playing Candy Crush
Following on Twitter
And reading all Whatsapp messages... all night - made it hard for me to get up and go to work in the morning.
So I quit my
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job!
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If Facebook wasn't there... it would have been really hard to know if it's cloudy, raining, fog, sunshine, snowfall - somewhere or not!
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I like you and your Facebook walls so much that I want to like them time and again.
Unfortunately, FB doesn't give me that option!
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Facebook - because time isn't going to kill itself!
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Facebook should change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"
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Irony is when people post "Life is unfair" from their iPhones!
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No one says you are ugly like Facebook asking... "Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?"
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Dear Facebook,
Just wait, one day they will leave you , too!
Sincerely,
ORKUT
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Why does Facebook has an option of "Friend Request"? There should also be an option to select relatives and enemies!
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Stealing other people's statuses on Facebook should surely qualify to be called as Facelift!
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Dear Facebook friends,
Please do not post your pilgrimage pictures and make me feel guilty!
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One can't upload love;
One can't download time;
And one can't Google all the answers in life.
So just by logging into reality, one can like the status of one's life!
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Dear Ladies,
This is my friend request and not a "Marriage Proposal". So please don't overact!
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Reality of Life:
A person is not as bad as he looks in his Aadhar Card;
And he isn't that good as much as he looks in his Facebook picture!
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Never trust a person with only one Facebook picture...
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When one posts one's problems and agonies on Facebook, I just want to say,
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"Idiot, no one cares!"
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Facebook is a mode of advertisement...
Advertisement of how is one feeling; but the real truth and fact of life is that true feelings can never be advertised or shown or told.
They're just felt deep down in one's heart!
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It's not important to have a long list of friends on Facebook...
Rather it's important to have at least one friend who can read your 'face' as a 'book'!
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We learn from Facebook that doctors are almost useless.
We simply have to 'Like' and 'Share' a post to save someone's life!
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Facebook is perfect place for those who have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
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Smokers say smoking is hard to quit.
God...
Wonder if they ever tried to quit Facebook!
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Things are so bad with the Indian economy that it has to change Rupee's Facebook relationship status from 'Single' to "It's complicated"!
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Deleting one's Facebook account is like running away from home. You're only doing it for attention and you'll most probably be back in a few days!
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Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends!
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Dear people who update their "Facebook" status every 30 seconds, there's "Twitter" for a reason.
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Logged off Facebook - Reason: I was bored.

After 5 minutes, Logged in Facebook - Reason: I'm bored!
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We are not addicted to WhatsApp or Facebook.
We only use it when we have time - lunch time, break time, off time, no time, this time, that time, any time and all the time!
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If people were influenced by internet games then most of the Facebook users would've become farmers, mafia or gamblers by now!
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Don't judge a girl by her profile picture. Judge her by the pictures she's tagged in!
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If you create drama on Facebook then one fine day, you'll also vanish like:
Rakhi Sawant
Dolly Bindra
Raja Choudhary
Sambhavna Seth
Himesh Reshamiya and
Poonam Pandey

Now don't ask me "Who are they?"
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Girl's status on Facebook:
Feeling Sad;
81 Comments;
Guy's status:
Committing Suicide;
2 likes and 1 comment which reads;
Dude who's gonna use your bike now?
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Definition of Success:
It is when your details and photos are available on Google instead of Facebook.
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Civilized people don't kill each other with guns anymore. They kill each other by uploading vacation pictures on Facebook!
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At times, I have the urge to comment "No one gives a shit" on someone's Facebook status!
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Facebook should have some realistic Relationship options like:
1. Happily Single
2. Frantically Looking
3. Inconveniently Attached
4. Unhappily Double
5. Stressfully Committed
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Facebook will be much more interesting if only they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke!
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Dear GIRLS,
To avoid so many Friend requests, kindly use only your own images on Facebook profiles!
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Never judge the beauty of a girl by her profile picture. Judge it by the photos she is tagged in!
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We have imaginary farms, cities and animals; we cook fake food; we poke people; and we even write on walls.
Isn't Facebook a mental hospital and we all as its members, its patients?
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Facebook:
The only place in the world where one can be social in undergarments!
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I am planning to change my name on Facebook to 'dis', so that when I 'Like' some 'Post' by stupid people, it shows as being DisLiked by me!
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I add everyone I hate to my Facebook, so that I could send them Farmville notifications and poke them to death.
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What's the most most embarrassing moment in a person's life?
When nobody likes your
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Facebook status!
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There are 2 types of human beings found on Facebook.
One who get unbelievable amount of Likes and Comments;
And the other are
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MEN!
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My goal in life to be like the people who seem:
As happy as on Facebook;
As intelligent as on Twitter;
As beautiful as on Instagram;
And as competent as on Linkedln!
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Don't Facebook your problems...
Face them instead!
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Why is Facebook such a hit? Because it works on the principle that "People are more interested in others life than their own"!
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Santa: Son, there's a life beyond Facebook.
Pappu: Really? Please 'Share' the 'Link' to it!
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There comes a time in every woman's life when she removes the birth year from her Facebook profile!
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My ex-boyfriend's Facebook status said, "Suicidal and standing on the edge".
So I poked him.
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It's a Facebook status and not a diary. Please learn the difference!
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If people could see the face I make when I read their Facebook status updates, they would probably 'Unfriend' me!
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If you want to cry, please use someone's shoulder or tissue, and not your Facebook status!
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You don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status.
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Tell a therapist, not Facebook.
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Researchers say that people who frequently use Facebook are more likely to gain weight and increase credit card debt.
So if you over-weight and messed financial affairs, you can safely blame it on Facebook.
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Soon Christian weddings will be performed like this:
Priest: Do you agree to change your Facebook status from Single to Married?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Yes!
Priest: Congrats! You are now husband and wife. You may now Poke the bride. And please don't forget to Tag me in the wedding pics.
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Facebook does not ruin relationships.
Relationships ruin Facebook!
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Height of addiction:
In a college form, when asked about the "permanent address", a student wrote "www.facebook.com"!
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Facebook is like a refrigerator. One opens it every few minutes just to see if there's anything new and usually there's not!
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What's the most most embarrassing moment in one's life?
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When nobody likes your Facebook status!
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You need a lion's heart to reject a girl's request
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on Facebook!
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Twitter is for the people you've never met;
Facebook is full of people you wish you could forget.
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The three most common lies on the internet:
1. I have read and agreed to the "Terms of Service".
2. Status: Offline.
3. Yes, I am over 18.
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Say it on my face, not through your status.
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Here's some rain, just in case your timeline is dry. ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ
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Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met;
And Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.
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Dear Twitter,
You cured my Facebook addiction!
Thanks!
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Facebook: Where one lies to friends.
Twitter: Where one is honest with strangers.
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Dear Facebook,
You keep suggesting people to me as friends; but then you get all concerned and ask me, "how I know them?"
You can't be the PIMP and the COP, too!
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Dance like no one's around;
Sing like no one's listening;
Eat like no one's watching;
Like even if you're not on Facebook;
And Tweet like no one's following!
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R.I.P. to all those dying for attention on Facebook!
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If Facebook gets banned, we'll see people roaming in the streets with their picture in their hands crying and screaming: DO YOU LIKE THIS PICTURE?
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You don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status!
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Height of addiction:
In a college form, when asked about "PERMANENT ADDRESS", a student wrote "www.facebook.com"!
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The greatest thing about Facebook is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.
Julius Caesar
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Before posting a Tweet or something on Facebook, one should always test it on one's wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, you know it has potential.
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If U fail in LIFE then FACEBOOK is the best place to write motivating messages.
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Facebook, if you want to know Everyone;
Twitter, if you want to know Everything.
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Google took my memory. Twitter my friends and now spell check is busy fucking my spellings!
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Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends.
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Dear Facebook,
You're becoming a little too complicated and trying to over do it, you're going to end up like me.
Sincerely,
MySpace.
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Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
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Who says, "One can't deactivate one's Facebook account?"
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I did it many a time.
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Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status.
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Twitter is a nursery for wannabe Critics. FaceBook for Photographers.
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I used to wonder what it was like to read people's minds but now that I have a Facebook account, I'm over it.
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Guys: Wow, her status is dumb but she's cute. So I'm gonna like it.
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Studies show that friends who like "My Posts" have an above average IQ!
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Whatever happens, happens for the best
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on Facebook!
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Texting + Facebook = Textbook.
Yes, Mom! I am studying.
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Thank God! FaceBook and Twitter don't run on Petrol!
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Always wake up early. It gives you fresh ideas. Share them with your FaceBook friends and go to sleep!
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Men Rule: If you can't convince them, confuse them!
Women Rule: If you can't convince them, unfriend them from Facebook!
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Mark Zuckerberg denies keeping his wedding plans private, he posted the full details on Google+ but no one read them.
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Mark Zuckerberg marries his girlfriend Priscilla Chan. Priscilla Chan changes her status from 'Single' to 'Ridiculously Rich'.
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Facebook Tip:
Never Delete/Block your ex flames;
Let them know that you're better off without them!
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If Youtube, Twitter, and Facebook were all school subjects, my parents would be so proud of me!
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I don't always have a cool FaceBook status. But when I do, some relative of mine ruins it with a lame comment.
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Why do people say to me, "You're always on FaceBook?" How do they know exactly? Could it be because they are too?
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My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can on FaceBook.
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Being 'Single' on FaceBook is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.
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The 'Poke' option is okay, but when is Facebook going to come out with a 'Punch' option?
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Just before hanging the convict, the judge askd the prisoner, "Any last wish?"
Convict: Yes, I want to update my Facebook status as 'Dead'.
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Life without you is like; Twitter without followers, Youtube without videos, FaceBook without Likes and Google with no results.
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In the next 20-30 years, one of the hardest things for kids will be to find a screen name on Gmail, FaceBook, Twitter, et al., that hasn`t already been taken.
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Advantage of being a Man:
You don't get tagged in random pictures on FaceBook on Valentine's Day.
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Sirish Kunder status update from "Got Married to" to "Got Slapped".
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God does not have a Blackberry but He is my favourite contact. He does not have Facebook but He is my favourite friend & He does not have Twitter but I follow Him.
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I still remember those days when photos were taken for memories and not for FaceBook profiles.
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When I die, I want someone to keep updating my Facebook status to freak people out.
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There is so much drama on Facebook;
I`m surprised that they don`t have an awards show!
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Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3, it should default to UNSTABLE.
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Karl Marx was wrong. Religion is not the opiate of the masses. FaceBook and Twitter are.
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Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me, you're nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking, bitches!
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FaceBook founder Mark Zuckerberg is hospitalized with serious injury.
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Sources revealed, Rajnikanth poked him on FaceBook!
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Friendship on Facebook is like `KOLAVERI DI`
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No need 2 understand, just enjoy it.
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I failed my driver`s test. The guy asked me, `what do you do at a red light?` I said, `I usually respond to texts, check my emails and Facebook`.
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Twitter was invented by a man. A woman would have chosen a higher character limit.
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Facebook keeps suggesting me: 'FRIENDS YOU MAY KNOW'.
But when I try adding someone, it says, 'Do YOU KNOW HIM?'
Isn't it height of non-sense!
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If something cool happens and you don't share it on Facebook, did it actually happen?
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Notice on a Public Building: In case of fire, exit the building b4 Tweeting about it or putting it on the wall.
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We are WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.
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Son 2 his Mom: Mom you know na. I love you a lot. But sorry Mom, I can`t accept your friend request on Facebook.
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It`s raining, it`s pouring. Facebook is really getting boring!
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Do you want to make more money from FaceBook? It`s easy. Just go to your Account Settings, Deactivate your account and go to work!
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Life is much like Facebook.
People will like your problems & comment but no one's gonna solve them.
Because everybody seems so busy in updating their own!
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Facebook Fever!
A man posted his status as: `Gonna sleep on the terrace tonight`
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17 Mosquitoes `Liked` it.
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Girl: Why my name is always on your Facebook status every 2 minutes?
Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what's on my mind.
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Facebook should have options WHO CARES along with LIKE.
It should also add SLAP, PUNCH, KICK along with POKE.
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Boy asked God, `Why she loves rose which dies in a day, but doesn`t love me who dies for her every day?`
God replied, `Mast hai! Put it on Facebook!`
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Boy asked God, `Why she loves rose which dies in a day, but doesn`t love me who dies for her every day?`
God replied, `Mast hai! Put it on Facebook!`
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FACEBOOK LAW:
Behind every status update..
there is a...
Ctrl + C
Ctrl + V
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Boy : Do you love me?
Girl: Yeah..I love you.
Boy starts running..
Girl: Hey! Where are u going?
Boy: Updating Facebook status !!!
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To every girl suffering from many friends' request on Facebook:
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Put your real picture!.
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Similarity between FACEBOOK & JAIL:
In both cases people sit, waste time and write on Walls!
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Modern Style wedding:
Pujari: Do u both agree to change your Facebook status to married?
Couple: Yes, we do.
Pujari: Vivaah Sampann!
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Only 1% girls become wives of their lovers.
The remaining 99% become their Facebook passwords!
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Why is Facebook such a hit?
Bcoz it works on the principle that, "People are more interested in others' life rather than their own".
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No one is as ugly as their Voter`s ID picture, nor as good-looking as their Facebook profile pic.
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Girl: I can do anything 4 u?
Boy: Will you die for me?
Girl: Yes.
Boy: Will you delete ur Facebook account 4 me?
Girl: Go home Bro, ur mother might be getting worried.
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If your wife claims she never looks at your Facebook profile, change your status to `Single` and wait for 5 minutes.
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Girl`s status on Facebook: `Feeling sad!` 17021 comments.
Boy`s status: `Going to commit suicide!` 2 likes and 1 comment - Think about it dude....Drop the plan, if you can!
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Messages that change yr mood:
`I love u!`
`I hate u!`
& the best one
`Facebook Login Error`.
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Dad joined facebook.
Kid`s status update: `Dad on FB, wtf!`
Dad commented, `What is wtf?`
Kid replied him, `Welcome to Facebook!`
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The best moments we all lived are the ones we absolutely forgot to take pictures of!
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Dear K, LoL and Hmmmm,
Thanks for being there when I've been found wanting for words!
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May your life be some day as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook!
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Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status!
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I was born without you so guess what? I can live without you!
Thanks for being a small, unnecessary part of my life!
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Jokes on internet-----

It's not bad to be a dumb.
Half of the world is dependent on computers with Zero IQ!
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A bunch of us are getting together at my place Saturday night to ignore each other and stare at our phones. Would you like to come?
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Which was the world's 1st computer?
An Apple. Eve gave one to Adam!
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If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
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Putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you? There's App for that, it's called RESPECT!
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I love hanging out with people who make me forget to look at my phone!
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I am so glad I was young, wild and crazy before there were cell phones and evidence!
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I was trying to explain the concept of Twitter to my friend. He finally said, "I don't follow you"!
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I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
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Somewhere:
An elderly reads a book on "how to use the internet";
While a young one Googles "how to read a book"!
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Life is too short to always remove the USB safely!
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Can someone please recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
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Child: Mom, how come computers are so smart?
Mother: Because they listen to their motherboards!
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Internet Dating - The Odds are Good but the Goods are Odd!
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The only person who looks good in a group photo is the one who uploads it!
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If I were was stealing Wi-Fi from a temple, does that mean God's giving me signals?
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We can't upload luck;
We can't download time;
And Google can't give all the answers in life.
So just 'Login' to reality, and like the 'Status' of your life!
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A clean house indicates that the net is down!
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Dear Parents,
If you want to find out where your son/daughter is in the house, simply
"Turn off"
the
"Wi-fi"
and wait!
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Autocorrect was so annoyinf, I changev it in the settingf.....
Now my lifd has become so simple!
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