Jokes on education

Our education system prepares us more for a Quiz show than for everyday life!
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If 1 stone is enough to break a glass;
1 sentence is enough to break a heart;
1 second is enough to fall in love then...
Why the hell 1 chapter is not enough to pass an exam?
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The shortest relation in life is between 'Student and Books'.
They get commited couple of days before exams;
And after exams - they break up!
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Bitter Truth:
School doesn't test your intelligence, it tests your memory!
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School didn't teach me things like buying a house or raising a family but thank God I know that mitochondria's the powerhouse of a cell!
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Exams: The fine art of stu(dying) or "Students Dying" of stress.
~ JD Ghai
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What is a Teacher?
Who teaches us how to make plain rice in class and expects from us to cook Biryani in exams!
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Truth of School Life:
First bench doing job and last bench doing business.
A first bench student knows the answer of every problem;
But a last bench student knows how to face every problem!
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What is the true meaning of Study?
S - Sleeping
T - Talking
U - Unlimited Messaging
D - Dreaming
Y - Yaani ke mast life
SO carry on with your study!
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There are two type of studies:

1. Hard subjects which cannot be studied.
2. Easy subject that doesn't need to be studied!
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I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them!
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Every class has that one student who is loved by all the teachers;
And is...
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equally hated by all the students!
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There are two type of subjects:
Hard subjects which cannot be studied;
And easy ones that don't need to be studied!
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My brain is like Bermuda triangle. Information goes in and then it's never found again!
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Latest Blockbuster Releasing in March:
Name: Final Exams
Genre: Action and Drama
Director: Paper Setter
Producer: CBSE/ICSE
Music: Pink Floyd (We don't need no education)
Story: Teachers
Hero: Students
Villain: Marks
Stunts: Parents
Let's Pray for the success of this movie!
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A message for all Graduates:
A Thermometer is not the only thing that gets a DEGREE without having a BRAIN!
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New generation:
Facebook last seen - 6 seconds ago;
Whatsapp last seen - 4 seconds ago;
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But textbook last seen - 8 months ago!
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Life of a college student:
Wallet Hai - Paise Nahi,
Lecturer Hai - Attendence Nahi,
Cell Hai - Balance Nahi,
Friends Hai - Girlfriend Nahi,
Exam Hai - Tension Nahi,
Padhna Hai - Mood Nahi!
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Dear Board of Education,
We're Bored of Education!
Sincerely,
Students
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This life is too short even to get desired sleep.
Then how do some students find time to study!
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Teacher: Everyone write your lover's name on paper.
After 5 seconds:
Boys say: Likh Liya, Madam.
After 10 minutes, girls say: Please extra sheet, M'am!
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The roots of GOSSIP are found in our education system.
For only 5 marks, we have been repeatedly asked objective type questions; and then
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asked to explain it in detail!
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2 days before the exam, they refer to foreign Authors;
1 day before exam, they refer to local Authors;
On the day of exam, they are the Authors!
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Exams are there, at the paper I continuously stare;
The answer is nowhere, which makes us pull our hair;
The teachers make you glare, the grades are not fair;
But just like the past all the years, I simply don't care!
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Unfortunately, our education system does not teach us teamwork.
When we solve our exams in group discussion with others, they call it copying!
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It takes a lot of wood from trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam.
Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees.
'SAY NO TO EXAMS'!
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I don't have bad handwriting... I have my own Font!
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At a meeting of alumni at their alma-mater, a teacher asked the students, "Any sour experience related to school?"
A student relied, "M'am, I met my wife in this school only!
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A student who changes the course of 'History' is probably taking an exam!
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Behind every successful student, there is a Girlfriend.
But what about a failed student?
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Lots of Girlfriends!
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S = Sleeping
T = Talking with friends
U = Unlimited Geri
D = Day Dreaming and
Y = Yawning!
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Maths tells us saddest of love stories.
Tangent lines - which had one chance to meet and then parted forever.
Parallel lines - which were never meant to meet.
Asymptotes - which can get closer and closer but will never be together!
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When someone says that "Nothing can be more complicated than Love",
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Throw Maths Text Books on their face!
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Two Commerce students engaged in a heart to heart conversation.
One: Oh! Sorry yaar, I heard about your breakup. Is it true?
Two: Yup!
One: You must be sad na?
two: No yaar... since we're commerce students, I have kept one reserve girlfriend to offset doubtful debts!
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Even if all the musicians join together to create a melody to make us sleep, they can't beat our teachers and textbooks!
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When I want to fall in love with my text books, my bed falls in love with me.
And I believe that one should love the one who loves us!
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When your relatives call to enquire about your Exam results, ask them about their salary!
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Do you know any jokes about Sodium Hypobromite?
NaBrO!
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Student Service Announcement:
If class is not a place to sleep;
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Then home is not a place to study!
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Tit for Tat:
In Exams, they give me questions which I don't know.
So I give them answers which they don't know!
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Murder of English:
A diagram in a book was not clear so the teacher drew the diagram on the blackboard and said:
"Don't look at the book figure, look at my figure!"
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A boy to a girl before an examination: Hey, all the best!
Girl: All the best to you, too!
The girl scores 85 marks and the boy failed.
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Moral: Only boys wish from the heart!
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The risk I took was well calculated - the result wasn't good as I'm bad at Maths!
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Me in class: I'll finish this at home.
Me at home: I'll finish this in class!
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The probability of a topic appearing in an exam increases exponentially, if one decides to leave it completely!
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Exam rules by Newton:

Half of what you read is waste;
Half of the rest you don't understand;
Half of what you understand you won't remember;
And the half of what you remember is never asked!
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Side effects of Exams:
A guy went to a restaurant. He wanted to order food but he forgot what a 'Menu' is called.
So he asked the waiter, "Syllabus Lana, Zarra!"
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1st bench students are intelligent, until last bench students participate in the competition!
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Exams are like Girl Friends:
Too Many Questions.
Difficult to Understand.
More Explanation is Needed.
Result is always FAILURE!
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The funniest situation in student life:
When we have no idea what to write in the exam paper and the supervisor comes and says, "Please cover your answer sheets"!
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Why do they call them final exams if they just keep happening?
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers:
Mechanical Engineers build weapons,
And Civil Engineers build targets!
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One of the best misconception in school/college life:
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Teachers think sending student out of the class is a punishment!
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If school has taught us anything, it's texting without looking!
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With every wrong answer that I write in my exam... my future honeymoon tends to shift from Mauritius to Mahabaleshwar!
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Dear Maths,
I liked you, until you hooked up with the alphabets!
Sincerely,
Student!
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Life in School:

Most irritating moment: Morning alarm
Most dreadful journey: Way to class
Most tragic moment: Surprise test in 1st period
Most wonderful news: Teacher is absent
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When your adult relatives ask you about your examination result, ask them about




their salary!
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Everything is beautiful depending on the situation.
A school bell sounds irritating in the morning;
But the same sounds melodious at the end of the day!
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During an exam, people;
Look up for inspiration;
Down for devastation;
And left and right for information!
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Sleep is my drug;
My bed is my dealer;
My alarm is a cop;
And my school is the jail!
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Teachers call it cheating.
We call it teamwork.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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Education aims to give you a boost up the ladder of knowledge.
Too often, it just gives you a cramp on one of its rungs.
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Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
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Education should be exercise, it has become massage.
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In exams, we
Look up for inspiration;
Look down in desperation;
And left and right for information!
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Stu(dying)
Stu(died)

Coincidence? I think not!
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Delhi University's cut off percentage for Science is 99.25%. Those who scored 60% are now laughing at those who scored 99.24%!
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The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.
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Things I didn't learn while in school:

How to:
Pay bills
Buy a house
Make both ends meet!
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If school isn't a place to sleep, then home isn't a place to study!
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Behind every successful man there is a woman. So don't waste your time unnecessarily in studies...
Just find that woman!
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5 days of school, 2 days of weekend.
10 months of school, 2 months of Holidays.
Who f**ked the calculations!
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Dear Math,
You have too many Xs. Stop being a Casanova and choose one and live a peaceful life. And please stop bothering us with your problems!
Sincerely,
Students.
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US Dollar has increased to Rs 55;
Milk has increased to Rs 40;
And Petrol has shot up to Rs 70.
Thank God!
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Passing Marks are still 35!
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Class rooms are like train
1st two benches are 'Executive Coaches'
Reserved For VIP
Middle two are 'General Compartment.
And last two are 'Sleeper Class.'
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When your teacher says "GET OUT", it means you've won the argument!
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S.C.H.O.O.L. = Six Crappy Hours Of Our Lives
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How to identify Students?
1: Stressed
2: Depressed
3: Well Dressed
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When did Maths get ruined?
When the Satan said, "Put the alphabets in Maths".
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School is a jail;
Classes are the cells;
Teachers are the security guards;
And we are the prisoners.
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Newton's wife: How am I looking?
Newton: tan c/sin c
Wife: huh?
Newton: tan c/sin c = (sin c/cos c)1/sin C = 1/cos c = sec c
Naughty Newton
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It doesn't matter if I go to bed at 9:00 pm or 2:00 am. When I wake up early for school tomorrow, I'll be tired either way.
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School is like riding a roller coaster.
When it starts, you want it to stop;
But when it stops, you want it to start again.
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S-T-U-D-Y = [S]inging, [T]weeting, [U]nlimited Texting, [D]reaming, [Y]awning.
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I don't hate school.
I just hate the teachers, homework, exams & waking up early morning.
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Boyfriend: I heard you failed in English!
Girlfriend: Nonesense! Who TELLED you?
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A boy was travelling in a bus. Suddenly, the driver applied brakes and the boy fell down on a girl & kissed her.
Girl: What are you doing?
Boy: MBA; and you?
Girl (smilingly): B.Tech
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Moral: Always think about studies. Keep calm & study hard.
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Misery of a teacher:
I don't mind when students look at their watch during lectures. But I get angry when they remove their watch & shake it to see if it's working.
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I hate Maths but I love counting money.
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Attitude during Board Exams:
They gave me the questions which I didn't know;
So I wrote the answers which they didn't know...
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Maths may not teach one as how to add love or subtract hate;
But it gives one every reason to hope that every problem has a solution.
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I don't hate the exams. It's the results that I detest!
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With my board results nearing, I realise how religious I am!
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H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K = Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge.
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Are you an overdue book? Because you've got 'Fine' written all over you!
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In an elephant's school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by the canteen. One of the elephants says: 'Look guys, 3600 - 2400 - 3600!'
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Math may not teach me how to add love or subtract hate, but it gives me every reason to hope that every problem has a solution.
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Most mathematicians don't realize, there's an easy way to round Pi. Just add an "e".
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Biggest mystery of Maths:
1000s of years passed;
Millions of theorems solved;
Crores of formulae invented;
But still X is unknown!
& XXX is well known!
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A student attached 1000 Rs note to his exam answer sheet & wrote :
"Re.10 for 1 mark"
Paper was checked by Santa
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He sent him Rs.720 back & wrote:
"U got 28 marks, keep the balance".
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