jokes on blondes

What is the difference between an intelligent Blonde & a UFO?
Don't know, have not seen either!
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What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
Artificial Intelligence!
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A police officer stopped a car and asked the blonde driver,
"Can you identify yourself, Madam?"
The blonde pulls out her mirror and says, "Yes, it's me!"
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Blonde: Doctor, doctor! These pills you gave me for body odor...
Doctor: What's wrong with them?
Blonde: They keep slipping out from under my arms!
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A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"
Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F!"
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Why do blondes have more fun?
They're easier to find in the dark!
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A person told his blonde friend, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde guy then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th!"
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An Italian tourist asks a blonde man, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat!"
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What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in handicapped zones!
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Traffic Cop: Why did you not use the INDICATOR before turning?
Blonde: Why should I use Indicator? Where I am going is... none of your business!
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How did the blonde hurt herself raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!
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Q:Why did the blonde go outside with her purse open?
A:She had heard there was going to be some change in the weather!
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What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up!
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In a divorce court, a woman requested the judge, "Your honour, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
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Why was the blonde looking for the reverse button on her computer?
She'd been told to back up at the end of every week!
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What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought!
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What did a blonde do when she read a notice in the public conveniences saying "Don't put anything down the toilet but toilet paper?"
She sat on the floor!
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Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
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Why did the blonde go outside with her purse open?
She had heard there was going to be some change in the weather!
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Q:Why did the blonde tiptop past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
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Q: What did the blonde driver say when she ran out of gas?
A: Will it hurt the car if I drive with an empty tank?
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Traffic cop: Didn't you see the 30 m.p.h. Sign?
Blond: No, officer, I was going too fast to see it.
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What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
No mind;
No business.
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A man finds his blonde wife propping up their washing machine on one side with two bricks.
Man: What are you doing?
Wife: Washing at 30 degrees.
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"Mum", said the son to his ageing blonde mother, "When you go, do you want to be buried or cremated?"
"I don't mind", replied the mother. "Surprise me!"
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Did you hear about the blonde who decided to bake a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.
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I told my blonde girlfriend I was going skeet shooting. She said she didn't know how to cook them.
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Blonde: I get a terrible pain in my eye whenever I drink a cup of coffee.
Doctor: Try taking the spoon out.
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What's a blonde's idea of natural childbirth?
No make-up.
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Did you hear about the blonde who got locked in the bathroom? She was in there so long, she peed her pants!
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Q: Why did the blonde move to LA?
A: It was easier to spell!
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A blonde went to cash a cheque that she got from her husband.
The bank cashier asked her to endorse it.
So she wrote on the back, "My husband is a wonderful person"!
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A blonde is out walking along a river one day when she sees another blonde on the opposite bank. She shouts "Woohoo, how do I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up and down the river and replies, "You are on the other side".
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The husband came home and caught his blonde wife reading his diary. She angrily shouted, "Who the f**k are April, May and June?"
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Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave.
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Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps.
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A blonde to a pharmacist:
Do you have any oralgesics? The analgesics don't seem to work!
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Q: Why did the blonde nurse go to an art school?
A: To learn how to draw blood!
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Cashier: Strip down, facing me.
The blonde quickly stripped down.
Cashier: Ma'm, Not you but your Credit Card?
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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
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Police Officer: Didn't you see that you broke the speed limit?
Blonde: I am sorry, Officer; but I can fix it for you.
Police Officer: How can it be fixed?
Blonde: That's what I was going to ask you!
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Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A brunette who told one too many blonde jokes.
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Q: What do you call a really smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
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Customer: Waiter, there is a hair in my soup.
Waiter: Blonde or red? We are missing a waitress.
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Teacher: What is a 'Caesarean Section'?
Blonde: It is a district in Italy.
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